I’ll write more next time…

… but for now I can say that Mark has had a hard couple days. His surgery on Monday lasted almost 13 hours. They did what they intended to do. By Tuesday at 4pm, they determined that he was getting air that did not belong there into his brain. The ENT and neurosurgeon opened him back up last night to fix the problem, which was a gap in the graft that allowed air in.

Mark’s currently in the neuro ICU, vented, on 100% O2. In the surgery, the docs used some belly fat (I know, where did he even have that?!) to seal up the leak. The O2 is to allow his brain tissue to reabsorb the excess air in the cranium. He is sedated.  I walked into the ICU, saw the drip, and thought, “isn’t that what killed Michael Jackson?” Because it looked like milk, and I remembered that being something MJ asked for, his milk. I looked up the med and yes, indeed, it is. Which I don’t mind, persay. Mark needs to rest, in a regulated environment. 

Today, the nurses reduced Mark’s sedation to check on him every two hours. When he’s not asleep, he spends his time with his eyes closed, not quite conscious, working to figure out the restraints and mitts. He hates the vent, hates being in bed, hates the restraints. I hate watching him move so slowly, sloth-like, trying in his semi-consciousness to problem-solve his restrictions. He is at risk for infection, at risk for spinal fluid leaks, at risk for the graft not taking. He needs to stay in bed, he needs to not fuss with the equipment, he needs to be still. He does not understand that. He just wants out.

We are in a bad way. 

He’s fighting.

I’m trying my best. 

7 thoughts on “I’ll write more next time…

  1. I’m sorry I read the post about the mitts first and then saw this. So it’s not a good sign that Mark is trying to get out. Prayers that he is able to relax and heal and that somehow you can convey that to him! Prayers for strength and stamina for you!

  2. I remember the mittens and restraints. When I saw that image I pulled out the diary I kept those first few days. There are descriptions of the mittens of the NICU and the waiting and worrying . But also there were the comments from the nurses saying that it was good for Matt to be out because it let him rest and heal. I do believe that, even though it’s hard to remember when waiting. Then there were those moments when he was alert. he would shake his mittened hands and say take them off get them off. Then he tried to bite them off a d tried to untie them with his feet. The medication was great because Matt didnt remember anything, unfortunately you do. When he was weaned off of the ventilator and moved to the floor, he used a plastic knife to saw through his restraints. That was progress of a sort. I remember sitting and looking at him and just wondering what was to come. I had a friend, a healer, who told me to visualize him surrounded by healing white light. So ,I would sit there and just focus on him surrounded by white light. Sometimes I even used Healing Touch and tried to cleanse the negative energy away. So, all of this is to say, he is healing, live in the now, the universe will handle the details. There are many friends sending their thoughts out to you both.

  3. You are doing fantastic. You are such a strong woman. We are praying for you both. Healing has begun Praying 🙏

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